you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
