i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
