I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i dont even know how to be here
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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