remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
