she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
