But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
