You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
