Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
