my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
