If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
