**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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