i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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