just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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