I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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