I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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