That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
