Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
