we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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