we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
