The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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