I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
