Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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