she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
