Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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