I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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