My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
