its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
