Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
