Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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