i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
