walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
