WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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