There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
