It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
