Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
