Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
