I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
