you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize