I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
