Don't make out with my wife yet
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My penis needs a shock collar
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
