So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
