I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
