ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
