Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize