Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
