He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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