I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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