I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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