I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
