found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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