my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize