dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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