mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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