I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
