If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
