what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
