she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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