$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
