I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
