I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
