I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
