I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
