Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
