At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
