You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
