i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Couch. On fire.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
