Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
