Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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