I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
