my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
