so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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