He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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