Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
