jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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