If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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