I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
