Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
