You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
